Funerals
"The art of living well and dying well are one."
Epicurus
When a loved one dies, there are many times in our Western culture when a family or loved ones do not know what to do. Often, even the possibility of death has not been discussed, nor have the wishes of the deceased been heard or talked about.
A fine funeral is one in which the life of a loved one is celebrated and acknowledged. The possibility of death is always there so some forethought increases how well we may live through it, particularly sudden and unexpected death.
Funerals do not need to take place in a church or a funeral parlour. They could take place in a local hall, a garage, a home or any other place that is seen as appropriate. There is increasing acknowledgement and use of civil celebrants to conduct funerals and the celebrant does not need to have formal qualifications to provide a meaningful ceremony. Most funeral parlours have a list of both religious and non-religious people who are experienced in taking ceremonies.
Funerals may be private or open, unpretentious or very public. It depends on the circumstances surrounding the death of the loved one. Sometimes a family will have both a private ceremony and a public one to allow for personal grieving and to give the opportunity to others to grief with them publicly a day or two later.
Funerals can take anything for 20 minutes to an hour and a common process is as follows:
Introductions and welcome
A Welcome to all present, Some information about the impact of death, its meaning and impact on the family, sympathy to the family, the valuing of human relationships to your particular family.Biography or eulogy
This is the most important part of the funeral. The celebrant will visit the family and talk to at least 3 people (more if relevant) to gather information about the deceased's life. This can take about 2 hours. The celebrant will often put this information together and read it at the funeral, but family members or others may choose to do this or participate in a way that is appropriate for them.Reflection or prayer
Here there may be a short period of silence to acknowledge the person who has died. Appropriate music may be played at this time.Readings
Selected texts may be read by the celebrant and/or by others who were close. Usually a short introduction as to why the texts have been chosen precedes each reading. They may be religious or non-religious. Often one or two readings are enough.Place of committal
Depending on whether the whole ceremony is to be held at the chapel or funeral parlour, with a few final words at the graveside or crematorium, the celebrant announces at a natural dividing point that the ceremony will continue at such and such a place.Committal
Here a few chosen words are said when the coffin is lowered into the grave or the curtains are closed for a cremation. I like to have these personalised by referring to the main qualities of the deceased and adding a few personalised and meaningful words.
The exact format for a funeral will take shape once the celebrant has talked with the family, found out the mos timportant things and has been able to shape a ceremony that reflects the life of the deceased person as accurately as possible.